| | My dog died today.
I don't exactly know how I feel at the
moment. They're hard to put on to virtual paper. After awaking from
another long night of relaxing with friends, we went to Publix to catch
some food. On the way back, I got a teary eyed phone call from my
usually happy and joking dad. I could tell something was wrong
immediately, just by the way he said hello. "We're taking Rocky to the
Humane Society."
It's not like I haven't been expecting it.
Rocky was old. He suffered from canine arthritis and had a hard time
getting up and walking. His time was coming soon and we all knew it.
I
was waiting for some sort of blow to hit after my parents let me in on
the bad news, but it didn't come. But then again I've always been
kinda numb to death. I haven't cried at a funeral. I didn't cry when
my aunt in the Philippines died of cancer. I didn't cry when TJ or
Jackie died. I don't think I'm a "badass" for not crying, but I don't
understand why I don't. Sure, I'm sad that their gone, but instead of
the mind raping sadness, I'm left more with that empty feeling, like a
piece of my life just disappeared leaving a void that's never going to
be completely filled again. The sadness goes away, but the memory
never will.
Speaking of Jackie, she left us 4 years ago,
tomorrow. The sadness is gone, but the happy memories remain. I will
always remember when I was sitting there at my first Calc test alone on
a bench rereading everying i was taught, when i glanced up and made eye
contact with this girl, the kind of eye contact that kinda meant, "Hey,
you're filipino, too." It startled me when she got up and sat next to
me, introduced herself as Jackie. After the test, I was going to walk
home, but she offered me a ride. I had never encountered such random
kindness, and I will always remember her for that. I feel like i've
told this story every year for the last 4 years, but you know what they
say: "Death is when you are no longer remembered."
Being
remembered. How will I be remembered when I'm gone. I'll always
remember TJ. "I'll give you a dollar and mad props." The one phrase I
shared with him before he left. Now that phrase is part of me. What
used to be a joke now immortalizes a friend daily.
It just makes me even more happy and thankful of my friends still with me.
I'm sorry, I know i've been rambling. It's just a lot of thoughts to get down.
Maybe it's the rainy day.
Rocky would've loved running around and rolling in the grass in our back yard today.
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| | Posted 4/6/2008 10:45 PM - 53 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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